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Witch or Slug

I must confess, I am somewhat distracted this season of Dancing with the Stars.  The culprits have been Kate Gosselin and Pamela Anderson.  I am all about the dancing, but I find myself wondering what grouchy old Kate is going to do next.  And I look forward, with a tinge of jealousy, to whatever beautiful costume Pamela Anderson is going to be wearing.  This strikes me as odd, since I have never been a fan or follower of either one of these women.  I finally figured it out!  These two women represent the two sides of the female personality that all us nice girls are taught to keep in check:  the __itch and the slu__.  In the interest of good manners, I will substitute “witch” and “slug” for the aforementioned foul language.

Let’s take Ms. Anderson for starters.  To be honest I’ve never really seen her, except for a blurb here or there on tabloid covers at the grocery store check-out.  I never saw Bay Watch and whatever else she is known for was probably a little too shady for my sensibilities.  I’m somebody’s mother, for crying out loud.  So seeing her on DWTS  is like seeing a wild animal in captivity.  You would never want to encounter them in their natural habitat, but you are fascinated with them when you take your kids to the zoo.  I mean no disrespect.  In fact I have  developed something akin to respect for Pam.  How does she get her hair to do that?  If I thought I could get away with it, I would do the same.  I’d be too afraid, however, that it would end up in the spaghetti I’m cooking for dinner.  Besides, my locks have a natural tendency to cling to my head.  Poofy is not in my hair vocabulary.  It’s not just the hair.  If I slithered around like Pamela, I would have to beat my husband off with a stick.  For now, I’ll just walk like a normal person and confine certain activities to Wednesday nights.  I’d still like to wear the clothes, though.  Unfortunately, my mother taught me to cover my lady parts in public.  But thanks, Pamela,  for giving all us good girls an idea of what it might be like to unleash our wild side and just once act like a slug.

Now, on to the witch, so to speak.  I was initially appalled by Kate Gosselin’s evil glare.  She made no attempt to disguise her displeasure with the judges’ criticism.  Didn’t anybody tell her she’s on television?  And then there’s the fact that she single-handedly drove even-tempered Tony to storm out of rehearsal and threaten to quit.  Can’t we all just get along?  That kind of ugly behavior doesn’t fit very well in the perfect mirror-ball world of  DWTS.    Kate was about as unknown to me as Pamela.  I ran across her reality show once or twice while flipping channels.  She was always nagging her husband or talking endlessly about why her way was best.  I never faulted her for it.  Somebody needed to whip that doofus husband into shape.  Better her than me.  As for her controlling nature, I just labeled her as pragmatic, a planner.  So flash forward to Dancing with the Stars and we have this woman who evokes dislike from me right off the bat.  And I’m not a hater.  ABC must have known this, because they tried to soften her image by showing clips of her crying in rehearsal because she has trouble expressing her feelings.  I personally think her problem is that she expresses her feelings a little too well.  But then I got to thinking about how there is a double standard for men and women blah, blah…  When I was a little girl, back in the fifties, we were taught to be polite, act like a lady, keep our knees together when wearing a dress, but I guarantee we were never taught to be assertive.  For women of my generation, that is a skill we have had to teach ourselves in adulthood.  So even though she goes a little overboard, I’m glad Kate isn’t smiling and saying thank you when things are not going her way.  For now, I think I’ll give her a break, maybe take a lesson from her.  Tomorrow when we go out to lunch, if my food is not right, I’m sending it back.  No apologies.  And I am no longer smiling at people I secretly can’t stand!


What’s the Story?

I”ve been busy with spring cleaning, but there a few things that have been rattling around inside my head.  In the spirit of spring cleaning, I need to pull  them out and organize them on the page.  Look out for flying dust, everyone!

Dancing with the Stars  Monday night was quite an extravaganza.  Wow!  I think Story Night was  a success.  My favorite is still my favorite:  Evan Lysacek and Anna Trebunskaya.  DWTS fans all know who Anna is, so the last name is not really necessary, but I love to say ” TRE-BUN-SKY-YA !” as I’m typing it.  Okay, it won’t happen again.  Anyway, it’s nice to see Anna get a partner who can dance.  She hasn’t been a real regular on the show, and when she has been there she’s been paired with a partner who is a less than perfect candidate for ballroom dance.  We all remember the ultimate cage fighter guy with lightning bolts tattooed to his bald head.  I hope the tattoos on his skull were not a figment of my imagination, but I’ll leave that part in because it does paint a picture.  They didn’t win.  Monday night Evan did a beautiful job with the Quickstep.  It was fun and light and, well …quick.  The judges don’t like his feet, but give the guy a break, he has huge feet and two broken toes. 

The other dance I loved was Maks and Erin’s Waltz.  It was a pretty simple concept.  He blindfolded her.  He led her through the waltz.  All the kinky references aside, I thought it was a touching illustration of the trust required in an intimate relationship.  It was my second favorite routine.  I thought Nicole and Derek were pure entertainment.  Jake and Chelsie had some really cool props.  Chad and Cheryl had amazing costumes.  Buzz was dignified.  Aiden didn’t throw up.  Niecy and Louis didn’t cop-out.

Now on to Pamela Anderson and Kate Gosselin, their wardrobe specifically.  I want a long white lacy flamenco dress and I want to look like Pamela Anderson in it.  I don’t want a red get up like Kate’s.  Who did she tick off?  Do the professionals choose the star’s attire, or is that strictly left up to wardrobe?  We had a long red sparkly dress with bold black trim across the top.  It was something like a Christmas nutcracker soldier in drag.  Throw in log black gloves, rhinestone bracelets, crazy-weave hair, insane eye-makeup, and an ill-placed flower.  It was frightening.  And I don’t think Kate is an ugly girl.  I just wanted to take a brush to her head, and pull that hair out of her face.  There was just so much going on visually that it made me dizzy.  I had to go pour a 7-up and pop a Dramamine. 

I have to talk about results night, and more about Kate Gosselin, but for now the dust-bunnies are calling me.


More Sparkle, Less Drama

 Elegant costumes, lovely people, music and dancing.  What more could you ask?  It seems the producers of Dancing with the Stars think the answer is more drama.  Last night between the Jive and Foxtrot we saw clips of the stars rehearsing with their pro’s.  The theme of most of those clips was conflict.  We saw Shannen Doherty giving Mark Ballas the evil eye during rehearsal because  he wouldn’t “dumb down” the choreography.   We saw Erin and Maks lose patience with each other, culminating in comments about his lack of bicep muscles.  It seemed playful enough,  but Len took the opportunity to scold the stars about trusting and respecting the professionals.  Then there’s Aiden threatening to go home if Edyta didn’t play nice.  He may have made her cry in rehearsal, but she got even during their performance.  She poked him in the eye, not once, but twice.  ( And I have to say, there is something about this guy that makes me want to poke him in the eye.)  Then the grand finale of conflict themed clips with Kate Gosselin vs. Tony Dovolani.  This one ended with Tony storming out saying that he quit.

One of the reasons I love this show is the fact that it sparkles.  For two hours each week the world is shined up and presented to us on a silver platter.  I did experience the glamour last night, but it was sandwiched between all the clips of people not getting along.  Placing two people in a high pressure situation in front of millions of viewers is going to create conflict.  In the past this show has focused more on the glitz, but now DWTS seems to be dipping their toe into the ocean of reality TV shows that capitalize on people’s bad behavior.  If I want to see that, and I must admit that sometimes I do, I watch Real Housewives of New York City.  There the conflict is the attraction.  But they need it, because no one is doing the waltz.  My mother always said there is a time and a place.  Make it sparkle, ABC!

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I will say that Evan and Anna are still my favorite couple even though they were out danced by Nicole and Derek.  I am, however, sending a registered letter to Anna Trebunskaya begging her not to give him Liberace hair next week.  I think the difference between Evan and Nicole might just be Derek’s choreography.  I also must say that for whatever reason, I have a history for rooting for number two on this show.  They are good enough to admire and I still get the satisfaction of believing in the underdog.  I also have to say that Pamela Anderson reigned herself in a bit and did a Marilyn Monroe inspired Fox-trot.   The men in my family were disappointed.  They liked her better last week.  God bless them.

Now, I predict the first one to go home will be Kate Gosselin.  Buzz Aldrin and Chad Ochocinco’s performances weren’t much better, but here’s the thing:  America won’t send home a hero on round one.  They always get another chance, heroes that is.  Buzz Aldrin, being a walk on the moon type of hero, and Chad Ochocinco, being an athlete type of hero wins them a little mercy from the voting public.  Kate, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have a lot of appeal.  She looked scary mad after the judges gave her scores.  And we’ve already talked about the clip of the rehearsal fiasco.  She doesn’t come across as very likeable, and if you combine that with her dancing, we won’t be seeing her after tonight.  But, you never know, so I’m tuning for the results show.


Beads Organized, check!

I’ve been looking for a way to organize my beads.  I came across this little cart at an office supply store and it did the trick.  I haven’t found a space in my studio for the beads, so I’ve been beading in the bedroom or living room while watching television.  It seemed like overnight beads took over the house.  I had shoeboxes full of beads, scissors and the like everywhere.  You can imagine the mess.  Now I can roll this cart into the studio without displacing any of the painting supplies.  And I’m mobile.  I can roll this cart into any room of the house. No more running from room to room wondering where I left the black thread. 


Top Ten Reasons to adopt a Greyhound

10.  They truly know the meaning of the word retirement.

9.   People will stare at your dog instead of you.

8.   They can curl up to the size of a ball if they need to.

7.   They can expand to the size of a whole bed if they want to.

6.   They don’t bark, keeping your neighborhood safe for burglars.

5.  You can play their ribs like an air guitar.

4.   They are the only dogs who really know how to smile.

3.  You can dress them up as a reindeer for Christmas.

2.   They are never confused with poodles. (We still like poodles!)

1.   A greyhound in flight is the most amazing sight you will ever see in your own backyard.


The Heavens Have Parted

Happy days are here again, fellow fibromyalgia suffers.  I told you about a book I was reading called From Fatigued to Fantastic by Jacob Teitelbaum.  The book is geared towards patients with fibromyalgia  or chronic fatigue syndrome.  One of the things he addresses (no surprise here) is fatigue.  This has been the most difficult aspect of the disease for me to deal with.  The pain I can handle, the fatigue, not so much.

Anyway, this guy is an M.D. but incorporates a lot of holistic treatments.  Which is fine with me, because who wants to be on more medication.  He recommends a nutritional supplement called D-Ribose.  He also recommends about a million vitamin/mineral supplements, along with a host of supplements that contain amino acids.  He has developed a drink that contains all of these (minus the ribose).  Lest we think he is trying to profit from our desperation to feel better, he says he donates all his profits from the sale of supplements to charity.  I don’t really care.  I just want to be able to peel myself off the couch once in a while.

I started with the D-Ribose and felt a drastic reduction in both pain and fatigue about four days in.  I later added the vitamin drink.  It comes in orange and raspberry.  You mix it with 8 oz. of  liquid and drink it in the morning.  I  mix the orange flavor with about 7 oz. of orange juice, one oz. of water and a scoop of the ribose.  I blend it in a blender till everything is mixed, then I add a few cubes of ice, whirl everything around again, and I’m ready to go.  And I’m not kidding, after drinking this stuff I am ready to go.  I ran out of the vitamin drink and it took me a few days to go replace it.  What an unbelievable difference.  Same with the ribose.  I have missed that too when I was out for a few days.  These items are hard to find.  I found the ribose at one out of about 3 health food stores I tried.  I stumbled on the vitamin drink at Sun Harvest.  If you can’t find them you can purchase on the doctor’s website (of course, right?) .  The website is  And no, I do not work for this guy.

I hope that if you try this stuff it helps you as much as it has helped me.  Now maybe I can start my spring cleaning.  Seriously.  I am going to do it.


Dancing with the Stars Premier

Don’t call me on Monday nights between seven and nine.  Dancing with the Stars is back!  I love this show and I”m always in a good mood after watching.   Hopefully this does not label me as a person who needs to get a life.  I do have a life, and I love it, but let me paint a picture:  dog snot (we live with a 75 lb. greyhound), grocery shopping, and sweats and t-shirts, except for the occasional night out with my husband.   If I go to lunch with a friend, you can be sure that our attire, and surroundings are not going to be anything spectacular.  That’s okay with me.  I spent almost thirty years getting dressed up for work.  I don’t miss it.  Now that I’m older, eight hours in high heels would turn my ankles into a pair of watermelons.  I actually thrive on having a casual, quiet life, but every now and then a girl needs a little glamour. 

Maybe that’s why I like this show, the glamour, that is.  Where else can I see sparkly long dresses, big hair, and men in formal attire without having to put on a pair of pantyhose?  And don’t forget, I get to do all this with a bowl of popcorn in front of me.  I am hoping that Dancing with the Stars is not the modern-day equivalent of The Lawrence Welk Show.  Maybe they just replaced the bubbles with a mirror ball and decided to give oldsters a pleasant hour to look forward to each week.  I can still envision my grandparents seated comfortably in the den, with the thermostat cranked up to 90 degrees, eating T.V. dinners and watching Lawrence Welk….”Take it away, Bobby!”.  Don’t get me wrong.  Those are some of my favorite memories of my grandparents.  I’m just not ready to be them.  Are there any young people out there who enjoy DWTS?

The season premier did not disappoint.  I thought the dancers as a whole were better acclimated on night one than any other season I remember.  My favorite performance was Evan Andrews and Anna Trebunskaya’s waltz.  It was elegant and romantic.  I’m 5’9″ and I sleep better at night knowing there are very tall men in the world who can dance.  I was also delighted when Niecy Nash dedicated her performance “to thick girls everywhere”.  “Honey, will you bring us some more popcorn?”  And who can forget Pamela Anderson’s quasi-stripper-esk version of the cha-cha.  I fear I will never be able to wipe it from my memory.  That’s what my husband said too, but for different reasons.  I will catch myself there and save you a full recap. You can find them all over the internet.  My favorite is Annie Barrett’s on  In the meantime I will be vacuuming the popcorn kernels out of the living room carpet.



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