Witch or Slug

I must confess, I am somewhat distracted this season of Dancing with the Stars.  The culprits have been Kate Gosselin and Pamela Anderson.  I am all about the dancing, but I find myself wondering what grouchy old Kate is going to do next.  And I look forward, with a tinge of jealousy, to whatever beautiful costume Pamela Anderson is going to be wearing.  This strikes me as odd, since I have never been a fan or follower of either one of these women.  I finally figured it out!  These two women represent the two sides of the female personality that all us nice girls are taught to keep in check:  the __itch and the slu__.  In the interest of good manners, I will substitute “witch” and “slug” for the aforementioned foul language.

Let’s take Ms. Anderson for starters.  To be honest I’ve never really seen her, except for a blurb here or there on tabloid covers at the grocery store check-out.  I never saw Bay Watch and whatever else she is known for was probably a little too shady for my sensibilities.  I’m somebody’s mother, for crying out loud.  So seeing her on DWTS  is like seeing a wild animal in captivity.  You would never want to encounter them in their natural habitat, but you are fascinated with them when you take your kids to the zoo.  I mean no disrespect.  In fact I have  developed something akin to respect for Pam.  How does she get her hair to do that?  If I thought I could get away with it, I would do the same.  I’d be too afraid, however, that it would end up in the spaghetti I’m cooking for dinner.  Besides, my locks have a natural tendency to cling to my head.  Poofy is not in my hair vocabulary.  It’s not just the hair.  If I slithered around like Pamela, I would have to beat my husband off with a stick.  For now, I’ll just walk like a normal person and confine certain activities to Wednesday nights.  I’d still like to wear the clothes, though.  Unfortunately, my mother taught me to cover my lady parts in public.  But thanks, Pamela,  for giving all us good girls an idea of what it might be like to unleash our wild side and just once act like a slug.

Now, on to the witch, so to speak.  I was initially appalled by Kate Gosselin’s evil glare.  She made no attempt to disguise her displeasure with the judges’ criticism.  Didn’t anybody tell her she’s on television?  And then there’s the fact that she single-handedly drove even-tempered Tony to storm out of rehearsal and threaten to quit.  Can’t we all just get along?  That kind of ugly behavior doesn’t fit very well in the perfect mirror-ball world of  DWTS.    Kate was about as unknown to me as Pamela.  I ran across her reality show once or twice while flipping channels.  She was always nagging her husband or talking endlessly about why her way was best.  I never faulted her for it.  Somebody needed to whip that doofus husband into shape.  Better her than me.  As for her controlling nature, I just labeled her as pragmatic, a planner.  So flash forward to Dancing with the Stars and we have this woman who evokes dislike from me right off the bat.  And I’m not a hater.  ABC must have known this, because they tried to soften her image by showing clips of her crying in rehearsal because she has trouble expressing her feelings.  I personally think her problem is that she expresses her feelings a little too well.  But then I got to thinking about how there is a double standard for men and women blah, blah…  When I was a little girl, back in the fifties, we were taught to be polite, act like a lady, keep our knees together when wearing a dress, but I guarantee we were never taught to be assertive.  For women of my generation, that is a skill we have had to teach ourselves in adulthood.  So even though she goes a little overboard, I’m glad Kate isn’t smiling and saying thank you when things are not going her way.  For now, I think I’ll give her a break, maybe take a lesson from her.  Tomorrow when we go out to lunch, if my food is not right, I’m sending it back.  No apologies.  And I am no longer smiling at people I secretly can’t stand!


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