Accepting Fibromyalgia-What I’ve learned

I was thinking about my journey with fibromyalgia.  How hard it has been to accept.  Fifteen years after diagnosis I am still on that journey.  I used to think I was crazy, that it was all in my head, even though my doctor said it was all in my body.  I doubted myself.  I felt guilty.  I was ANGRY.  VERY ANGRY .  At the diagnosis, at myself for having it, at my body for betraying me, at my employer for thinking I was faking it.  Ugh!  I got so tired of explaining what was wrong with me, especially when no one seemed to understand.

After years of frustration I finally figured out I don’t really have to explain my illness to anyone.  A simple “I’m not feeling well” will do.  People don’t want the gory details.  Most people anyway.   My husband knows about them.  He lives with them, the gory details that is.  He still loves me, and so I have to work on loving myself.  I am broken, but I am still whole.

As a woman I tend to define myself by how others see me.  Fibromyalgia can be a lonely place.  It has forced me to look within for validation, for comfort, and for strength.   It has encouraged me to hone my creativity.  It has made me more flexible and more compassionate.  It has taught me the value of a sense of humor.   Fibromyalgia has been a spotlight helping me recognize those who truly love and support me, pretty much eliminating toxic people from my life.   It has helped me to overcome my controlling nature (kind of).  And perfectionism-forget it!  On those grace filled days when I can zero in on what my illness is teaching me, focus on what is really important, and see beyond the surface I am well on my way to acceptance.

The rest of the days, I just whine and complain.  I try to keep those to a minimum.


1 Response to “Accepting Fibromyalgia-What I’ve learned”

  1. 03/24/2010 at 3:46 AM

    hi, I actuallly found your blog because you and I are dwts fans!!! but then I see you have fibromyalgia. I am a Feldenkrais Practitioner and I have heard that people with Fibromyalgia benefit from our method. I’ve never worked with anyone with fibromyalgia but I certainly think this method would have something to offer you. Just a nudge. It is so hard to come to terms with a ‘diagnosis’ and an illness, I totally get that. I hope you are well today and if not today, I hope you are well this hour, and if not this hour then this minute. Erin

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